Powering through Deployment

 

Picture Credit: Canva

By Nicy B. 

"You signed up for this," my mother-in-law told me after admitting I missed my husband during his deployment. I was stunned that she said that. I tuned her out afterward, attempting to hold back more of my tears. People who ever never dealt with deployments, don't understand how vulnerable one feels.  

I never signed up for the loneliness, the financial problems, dealing with my pregnancy alone, and the constant bullying from other milso spouses. There was no safe space. I looked online on those Facebook groups but realized there weren't many resources or if there were, nobody knew or shared. 

There is a thing called the deployment curse where everything that could go wrong goes wrong. It took two weeks after my husband left when I, unfortunately, got in a car wreck that almost made me miscarry. There is when I met my husband's unit FRG (Family Readiness Group), where I met Jennifer, who was very helpful to all the spouses in the unit. She introduced me to my first friend Carlie. Once I had these two women as friends during this challenging journey, it made it much easier to navigate everything that hit me during deployment. 

Online, it was a mess. Milso (Military Spouses)  were always on a witch hunt to bully another girl, and everyone was vindictive. I would hear how many girls would have complained about how they would get harassed or are afraid to even ask for help. Not everyone had Jennifer or a Carlie to help. I was so grateful to Carlie and Jennifer for helping me as much as they could by giving me resources or even listening. I remember using music as a coping mechanism, especially when I made the mistake of visiting my husband's family so they could see the baby. 

When Jennifer and Carlie moved because of orders, I felt that loneliness creep in again. I noticed many misguided spouses online who felt like there wasn't a safe space. Being alone in a new location, with no friends and family, you would think everyone understood each other's burdens and come together as a community. There was no camaraderie among Milso. 

As my luck would have it, I met Kimberly Mayo. She was a self-made, accomplished small businesswoman who owned Giggles in the basket (a gifting company). She also noticed the chaos under the military Facebook groups. She stood up for other girls and stood her ground against bullying. One notable thing about her was she wasn't afraid of going against the tide; she wasn't scared of speaking out. She was also confident when her husband was deployed and kept it moving; she could manage it all gracefully. 

Kimberly Mayo knew there needed to change, and soon enough, there were invitations to her Facebook group, "Club Chat." It was a unique Facebook group that was one of its kind. Besides being aesthetically pleasing to the eye, it felt cohesive in more ways than other Facebook groups. There were discussion sessions where I read about other women who also received the "you signed up for it" comment from non-military friends, family, or coworkers. Some people were different FRGs leaders sharing resources and communicating more effectively to their intended audience. Spouses were talking about online bullying and lack of help.

The most important thing was it wasn't masquerading as a "safe" space like all the others. It was called a "Brave" space where there were others who dealt with similar issues you did. It was a group that offered solutions. 

If you are going through a deployment and need guidance- I highly suggest Club Chat "Ft Bliss" Club Chat "Fort Bliss" | Facebook 

Also, if you need a soundtrack to power through your deployment or next deployment coming up, check out Spotify – Club Chat X NeeShee Deployment Empowerment